A Sure Thing

There are a few things in life that I can say are sure things, like how I will always forget to fill my gas tank on Sunday night, which means I will be late to work on Monday. Or, the fact that I will get at least one creepy message on my Match account. I keep telling myself that one of these things I can control because it’s a sure thing, and the other isn’t going to change anytime soon, because there are way too many creeps out there.
One Monday morning as I was driving to work I began an Audible book by Jana Aston. I had read Wrong by her a few years back and thoroughly enjoyed it, so I decided to give Sure Thing a chance. It was after all, going to be an extra long commute as it was “raining” in San Diego, and well, we are idiots who don’t know how to deal with any kind of weather. Like anything other than 72 degrees, makes us panic. If it’s too hot we panic, if it’s too cold we bitch. But God help us all if it rains. We legitimately turn into accident prone idiots. Every single one of us. If the rain wasn’t enough to make me unhappy, my nearly empty gas tank did it. I was officially unhappy.
But after the Audible intro the book began, Andries appeared my day was looking up. I suddenly didn’t care about the length of the drive because I was laughing my ass off. I rewound the book and truly enjoyed the first few lines again. “I can do this, Daisy does it. She does it all the time, I mean I don’t want to insinuate that my sister is the slutty one. But… she’s the slutty one.” The book is about Violet who loses her job and boyfriend and apartment within the same day. With her dwindling bank account, Violet has no choice but to take up her twin sister when she suggests she fill in for her at her work for the week, and that is how Violet finds herself being Daisy for a week long adventure. And if this isn’t enough of a fun twist, Jana Aston threw in a British guy, and what girl doesn’t love a hot British guy?
I finally made it to work with a full tank of gas, and a smile on my face. Over the next few gray days, the only thing keeping a smile on my face was looking forward to hearing more about Violet and her hunky British guy with a sexy name to match. Jennings was a complete gentleman who talked dirty at the right time and knew when to stop while he was ahead. Unlike “Jonathan” who decided to message me on Match. Now, let me begin by saying that it had been a long rainy week, and I was looking forward to my cozy night in.
The following conversation began innocently, throwing me for a loop with how quickly it turned.
Jonathan: Hi!
Me: Welcome back Jeff!
J: HAHA, did we match before?
M: Yes, but I got like 6 messages that you were “banned for suspicious activity.”
J: I actually just deleted my profile. I guess they consider that suspicious.
Me: Well, clearly you pissed them off, why else did they inform me so many times? Haha.
J; IDK, but I needed to get off, too many girls playing games.
Me: I can see that. I just got a good laugh and wondered what “suspicious behavior” entailed.
J: Or why they have to ban someone 6 times, and then allow them to come back. Looks like a glitch to me.
Me: I guess, but it was like they were building up their badassery.
J: Hahaha, thanks I appreciate that.
J: That’s a good way to look at it.
Me: x6, but I guess I’ve been warned right.
J: Oh dear, sounds like you’re a naughty girl!
Me: Nope, just have a big imagination.
J: I love a girl with a big imagination. I find it goes well with my BIG imagination. It’s getting late, I’d love to use our imaginations late into the night. Here’s my number, lets make this happen. (555)555-5555.
So, I get that I used words like badassery, and imagination, but I just cannot get over the fact that this guy didn’t even know my name. He literally took 4 minutes before he decided that we needed to talk about his “big imagination”. How is this ok? I mean, I guess I had the warning signs, but I too have needed time away from dating apps and have deleted them, only to come back to them months later, so I don’t know what it shows guys when we have been matched. But at least I learned something, don’t use the word imagination or badassery, because if you do, the guy will assume you are a sure thing.
So do yourself a favor, take a break from the creeps online and read a great book. One that I assure you will have you laughing, and swooning, for a guy who has perfected the art of flirting without being a complete creepy ass douche.


The Right Kind of Creep…

Sometimes bad books happen to good readers, and for me this had been the trend for some time. My kindle was quickly being filled with awful book after awful book. I was in a funk, and couldn’t seem to get out of it. Luckily for me, Christmas came early in the form of a fantastic book by newcomer Sally Thorne. I stumbled across The Hating Game simply because I was super behind on my Christmas shopping and found myself easily distracted by a book suggestion.

Honestly, neither the title nor the cover art pulled me in too much, but I found myself clicking to read the synopsis. I didn’t want to read too much in case I did purchase the book. Upon seeing the $7.99 price tag, I was almost deterred, because I read so many books and this book was exceptionally high. I was about to leave the page, when I remembered that I had some digital credits and would end up paying only $4.99. The universe was trying to tell me something, I knew it, so I one-clicked it. As I hit purchase I sent up a silent prayer to the book gods and hoped I wouldn’t regret my midnight purchase.

Over the following days as my Amazon packages began to appear, I remembered that I had purchased this book, and decided to start reading it during lunch. Not only was I late getting back to work, but I was also late to work the following morning because I had stayed up way past my bedtime reading. Sally Thorne had intended this to be a short story for a friend, but somehow found herself with a fantastic full-length novel. Before she began writing she asked said friend to give her one word that she would use as inspiration. Nemesis was that word. The title is a clever play on the word nemesis.

Lucy Hutton is a cute pushover who works with her arch nemesis Joshua Templeman in extremely close quarters. At first, some of the interactions between Lucy and Joshua seem a bit weird almost creepy. The truth is the reader isn’t intended to like much less love Joshua. I know I wasn’t fond of him. But as I continued to read I not only began to like him, I quickly fell in love with him as much as I loved Lucy. His “creepiness” wasn’t creepy, it was a relationship built over time, a relationship that was for much of the time one sided. Then turned into a beautiful kind of truce between two nemeses.

Now let’s talk about the other kind of creep, the bad kind of creep. A few weeks ago my friend Valerie received a Facebook message from a man she had never seen and didn’t know. The message was, “Hi, I know this may seem creepy, but I’m just very good at figuring things out. I always see you at the parking deck and I know most people that park here typically work at the Chase building so what I did was Instagram searched Chase and literally your picture popped up with some of your friends or coworkers, like the first pictures literally. So I clicked the picture and your Instagram name showed up and this is how I found your name (God I know this looks so bad smh), but I just really want to talk to you because you are a dope looking lady. Anyway, so I searched your name on Facebook and “again” your profile was the first one to show up; so I just want you to know that I’m not a stalker I’m just smart and I piece things together extremely well, and that is how I found you. So sorry if this weirds you out, in 2016, I know people are so paranoid about everything but I hope you understand that I simply took a chance on making myself look bad just to be able to possibly contact you, (aside from leaving a note on your car). You know the saying “no risk, no reward” I hope you reply to this and not “block” me for taking a shot in the dark.”  (Picture Below)

Now, when my friend Valerie sent this to me I reread it at least 3 times before I could even respond to her text message. “Dafaq?” was literally the only thing that came to mind. Because seriously, in what universe would a man think that a woman would look at this message and not think it was creepy. I mean, not only did he look her up on Instagram, he decided to dig deeper until he found her on Facebook and wrote to her. She didn’t reply to him, and I encouraged her not to. Something about the fact that he was not only watching her at work, but proceeded to creep on the internet for more information scared the crap out of me. She agreed with me that the whole situation made her feel very uncomfortable. I was wondering if I was being paranoid, so we decided to ask other people their thoughts.

After a few days the vote was not unanimous (insert my shock here), it was ultimately agreed that yes, this was in fact more creepy than flattering. However, one of the people who didn’t think it was creepy asked a question that stunned me. She asked, “Well is he good looking?” I stopped and thought about this for some time and wondered why the in the hell that mattered? Would it be ok if the guy looked more “boy next door”? Because the truth was I couldn’t look past the fact that this guy’s actions were slightly terrifying. His intentions were unclear, we honestly didn’t know what his reaction would be when she didn’t reply. We didn’t know if he would approach her and tell her that he was the one who had messaged her and question her as to why she hadn’t replied.

So back to The Hating Game, at the beginning, Joshua Templeman’s character did not give me all the warm fuzzy feelings that I am used to getting when reading a romance. But I think the hilarious dynamic between these two is why I loved Joshua Templeman and this book so much! Before I give away any spoilers, I will just say that this book was by far one of my favorite books of 2016 and dare I say it, one of my favorite books of all time. So do yourself a favor and look past the price tag, and one-click this bad boy. I promise you won’t regret it.

Nuts… The Gift that Keeps on Giving!

Have you ever been pleasantly surprised for all the wrong reasons? Well since the New Year began, I have had this happen to me in both my “dating life” and my reading life. I was introduced to Alice Clayton, a few years ago and I thought her writing was ok. Honestly, it wasn’t something I would promote or suggest. Although she has published book after book since the one read, I never went back to read any of them. Then one day while searching for a new book, I saw a book cover for her upcoming book, and I smiled at both the title and the cover art. Yet I wasn’t intrigued enough to click and read the synopsis. Quickly after the release date, the 5 star ratings came in, and I still wasn’t convinced to read it. It wasn’t until my book club decided that we would give it a shot. I did and went in with low expectations. The same was true of the events that happened on Tuesday night.

A few weeks ago, my friend Valerie decided that we should go speed dating. Now this wasn’t just any old speed dating, this was a professionals, ages 30-40. At first I thought eh. But the more I thought about it, the more, I said well what do I have to lose? The truth was I would only lose a Tuesday night (at worst). So I jumped on board, and before I knew it, it was Speed Dating night. I did what any girl would do, chose a cute outfit, did my hair and makeup and headed downtown to start this adventure. Truth be told I was hoping that at the very least I would have some laughs and some stories to tell. And boy was I right!

The night started off a little on the weird side when Valerie, her co-worker and I were sitting at a small table by the bar. A woman took it upon herself to take a seat with us and tell us about her lack of dates. The three of us listened as she regaled us with her latest Tinder catastrophe. After a few more stories, we began to see men coming into the nice hotel and we knew they too were for the same event. We finished our drinks and checked in, we were seated around a dinning room that was “blocked off” to the general public.

The girls were the only ones allowed in this area for sometime, and honestly as we looked around we couldn’t help but laugh at how we got ourselves into these situations. Before we knew it we were then introduced to the host for the evening and he gave us a basic explanation on how the evening would go. Of course, the first five-minute round meant that I would be an observer versus an actual participant, because a few men hadn’t shown. Which truth be told, was more than fine by me. I sat back sipped my lemon water, and enjoyed the best people watching of my life.

A long gong (I kid you not) was our signal that it was time for the men to move on to the next table. The first gentleman that joined me was a guy who seemed nice right off the top, then began to tell me what he hated about my lovely city. I honestly sat there laughing, because I mean it’s San- FUCKING Diego, what can you complain about other then we have too much sunshine. To say that I was excited when our five minutes was up would be an understatement. I was ecstatic. Next came an awesome 45 year-old engineer, who couldn’t make eye contact. Like at all. At first, I thought well, that’s funny, but really get it together dude. He finally made eye contact, when he dropped his pen, and had to pick it up.

The night continued very much the same way until a Will Farrell look-a-like sat down, and when I say sat down, I mean threw himself into his chair. “Hi…” Looking at his name badge I finished “Jim.” He looked at my name badge and closed his eyes as if in pain, and said “Shit, man. Your name is Love and I’m over here with the lamest name ever.” I laughed, because I love me a sense of humor, but I quickly learned that his sense of humor was fueled by liquor. Lots and lots of liquor. Over the next seven minutes (he refused to move until he was literally escorted to the next chair) he told me about how he always wished he was a bad ass, but with a face and personality like his, there was really no way “Jim would ever be considered cool.” His whole rant was seriously the best of the night. With phrases like “My ex childhood best friend stopped talking to me, because I called him an asshole to his face, while naked in his childhood bed. Oh, and did I tell you that I drive a car named Matilda.” Now, Jim and I were not a match but he did make my night, because let’s face it hearing a man talk about how much of a wimp he is for never being able to get a massive tattoo of a polar bear and guns on his chest is a win for me.

Following Jim, who asked me all of zero questions about myself was a young man named Lee who began our interaction with “Holy shit, he keeps taking time from me and my potential lady.” I couldn’t help but laugh, because yes, he had in fact taken two of his minutes with me. I learned that Lee was some sort of engineer, we couldn’t help but continue to stray back to all topics Jim, and again it was safe to say that I had not found my match. The night continued very much in the same form, I found that most men were either engineers, or in some sort of IT job.

Another memorable gentleman, who introduced himself by announcing his whole name before he had even taken a seat. “Hi, I’m Tony Montana.” He spoke/shouted while opening his leather jacket showing me his nametag. “Hi, I’m Love.” I replied signaling for him to sit down. “That’s it, that’s your name?” He said as he sat down. “Yup. I only have one name like Cher.” I joked. He didn’t laugh. Once he had written my name on his sheet, he looked at me, and loudly began my 5-minute interview. “Do you want kids?” I sat there, knowing that at least a few people had heard the question, and were now awaiting my response. Completely stunned, that he had decided to ask such a question right off the bat had me speechless. I shook myself out of my shock and answered honestly “You know, right now my answer is no, but you never know, maybe down the road I will change my mind.” I couldn’t tell if this was the response he was looking for but he did continue his interview like questions, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What are your goals?” I can honestly say that when the gong was rung, I was more then relieved to say my goodbyes.

By the end of the night I had meet one tennis instructor, and a 46 year-old man who I’m fairly positive was gay. So here is the moral of my speed dating night. Go in ready for some laughs, and there is no way you will be disappointed. Did I find my match? My other half? No, but what I did find, was that even in the most awkward of situations, I can have a good time and make the most of the shenanigans in which I get myself into. This was not the first time I had gotten myself into a situation like this, and I’m sure it wont be my last.

The book Nuts, was honestly more than I could have every wanted in a book. Although the book was fairly predictable, it was absolutely charming. It honestly has to be one of the funniest books I have ever read. From beginning to end, I was smiling and laughing out loud. The premise to this book was so creative and different yet so comically amazing that I finished reading it, only to wipe the laughter tears away and turn to page one to do it all over again. So if you are looking for a funny cute romantic comedy, where the lead character is a bit of a mess yet makes you root for her from the very beginning, then this is the book for you. Plus Leo, the hot farmer has to be one of my favorite male characters of all time (and I’ve read a lot of books!). In the words of Harry Dunne (Dumb & Dumber) “You do something like this and totally redeem yourself!” I’m woman enough to admit, that perhaps I was wrong about Alice Clayton. So do yourself a favor, save the money spent on speed dating and buy yourself this book, and maybe a nice bottle of wine and get ready to read a delightful book.