Tinderella seeking non-douche Tinderince

I feel the need to start by introducing my current relationship situation, and myself or lack there of for that matter. I recently just turned 30, and am single. My bff, “Valerie” is also single and she took the initiative to get herself and me in tow, onto the site we call Tinder. Since this adventure is too good not to share, I thought you all deserve a moment of humor, at my expense. You’re welcome!

  1. People who aren’t single, and haven’t been single in years, should get no say as to why I am still single. You just don’t get it unless you are single. Period. End of story, move on, next topic, how about them Padres?
  2. Now, lets get a few things clear. One, I know that Tinder is mainly used to “hook-up” and no, I am not, nor have I ever been that kind of girl. There has to be at least one decent guy on this site right?
  3. There are a lot of “single” men out there. But dating a douche bag isn’t particularly high on my list.
  4. Here are some pointers, because lets face it, you don’t want to appear to be a douche (even if you are one), hide that shit until you at least get to date #2.
    1. No bathroom mirror selfies- you look like a 13 year old girl
    2. No bathroom mirror selfies, with your shirt off. “Oh, you have a 6-pack.” I don’t give a rat’s ass, put a damn shirt on!
    3. If every picture you have on your profile is you with some girl (who isn’t family), I’m left Swiping. I don’t care how hot/ funny you seem.
    4. No man, (except David Beckham) looks good in a Speedo, unless you are in Spain, then it’s free for all. Just don’t post those pictures on your profile.

So far here is what the universe has to offer me…. They say pictures are worth a thousand words so here are a few thousand words.

photo 1 photo 2 photo 3 photo 4

Stay tuned, as this Tinder adventure has only just begun.

The Honeymoon Period, or Not

The term Honeymoon period is used to describe much more than the actual honeymoon period. I used it to describe the feeling I had when I read the Novella written by my favorite author, only this time I used the word OVER after the term. So as my pre-order for Maybe Someday by Colleen Hoover was downloading, that I thought and secretly prayed that she would not let me down. The expectations for this book were so high, and I knew I might have set myself up for a complete letdown. And so, with a weary heart I began to read.

I recently turned… 30, and I am proud to say that I didn’t freak out once. I wish I could say I was a complete adult about the whole situation, but I couldn’t. I took 2 days off and went to my happiest place on earth. Disneyland. What did you think I was going to say? Anywho… it was there that someone asked how I was handling turning 30 and not being married, or close to being married for that matter. I was shocked that this person was so blunt and also for being such an asshole, on my birthday nonetheless! Douche.

Anyways, after my return to the real world, my best friend of too many years (who is also single) took me out to coffee. Hmmmm, coffee. It was while she was paying for my coffee that I knew she was up to something, and based on the look she had on her face, I knew I wasn’t going to be happy. She asked me for my phone, which was a usual occurrence since I have a much newer phone. It was after we found a few chairs that she said “I’m getting you this app what’s your password?” Sadly, it still didn’t click, and I gave it to her. I drank my coffee, enjoying my latest romance novel, when she put my phone down face first. I put my kindle down, and went to grab it but she stopped me. “You have to give this a try, promise me.” I didn’t promise her, but I did take my phone, and that was when I saw it. TINDER, the new flipping app, on my phone. We had a very adult conversation about how I need to give it a try before I said no. I reluctantly agreed, knowing there was no point in denying her, one way or another.

So I’ve been on it for 3 weeks, and in that time, I have been on the app a total of 4 times (one was the night it was installed). It was there that I “met” a young man; lets call him “John”. It all began with basic lets get to know each other banter. The what do you do, what are your hobbies, then the conversation grew boring. So I decided that I would give it one more try. Here is how the conversation basically went down. Me- Whats your favorite Tv show? Mine is Arrested Development.
John- Sons of Anarchy, and Arrested was not my cup of tea.
John- Wait. Seinfield.
Me- Sorry, never liked it. Favorite foods? Mine are Indian and Italian. Yours?
John- Ew Indian. I love sushi.
Me- I hate sushi. I should probably mention I’m Kosher.
John- Jeswish?
Me- Kinda, mom is SDA, dad is Jewish.
John- Are you religious?
Me- I try to be. You?
John- Not at all.
Me- Well Shit.

So you would think I’d be done. But I had made a promise and I though well, they say opposites attract, and then he asked me about that I found attractive in a man. I told him. And then he did it, he dropped the bomb. “I like shorter girls, cause I’m short.” I was thinking well my brother is like 5’7 and he thinks he’s short, so maybe this is what he’s thinking is short. I waited for another text that came minutes later. 5’4. Insert course words here. You see, I’m short, but as a girl, it’s considered “normal”. And I know myself, I have never been attracted to short guys, ever, call me shallow, call me a B, but I think that once the “honeymoon” period is over you can take off your fun colored glasses and see that I could focus on just this one thing, or notice that at the end of the day, we were just so not compatible. Most of our conversations were the same he and I not agreeing or having similar likes and wants.

When an author releases a release date for a new book, avid readers prep themselves, pre-order plan when to read etc. And it was at said author’s book signing that I became super excited about the prospect of this new book. But then we were told that we would have to wait close to 9 months for it. Then I became apprehensive because her last book had let me down. It wasn’t a Sacred 5 like all the others she had written, but it was still a high 4, which means it’s super high on any list readers list. Maybe the Honeymoon period would end here, and she would no longer be my favorite author. Maybe she would become the author of my favorite books, and that’s all. This sad thought loomed over me like a sad cloud until the book downloaded onto my Kindle.

At first I read and found some of the things that made me think I was going to dislike it, things that had deterred me from reading/ finishing other books. Love triangles, annoying roommates, etc. But the more I gave into the story, the more I found I could relate to the protagonist. I loved her character, but hated the circumstances that life had placed in front of her, much like my own life. That was when I came to the conclusion, that unlike my Tinder guy, I was still in love with her writing, and the Honeymoon Period, was still very much alive.