The Honeymoon Period, or Not

The term Honeymoon period is used to describe much more than the actual honeymoon period. I used it to describe the feeling I had when I read the Novella written by my favorite author, only this time I used the word OVER after the term. So as my pre-order for Maybe Someday by Colleen Hoover was downloading, that I thought and secretly prayed that she would not let me down. The expectations for this book were so high, and I knew I might have set myself up for a complete letdown. And so, with a weary heart I began to read.

I recently turned… 30, and I am proud to say that I didn’t freak out once. I wish I could say I was a complete adult about the whole situation, but I couldn’t. I took 2 days off and went to my happiest place on earth. Disneyland. What did you think I was going to say? Anywho… it was there that someone asked how I was handling turning 30 and not being married, or close to being married for that matter. I was shocked that this person was so blunt and also for being such an asshole, on my birthday nonetheless! Douche.

Anyways, after my return to the real world, my best friend of too many years (who is also single) took me out to coffee. Hmmmm, coffee. It was while she was paying for my coffee that I knew she was up to something, and based on the look she had on her face, I knew I wasn’t going to be happy. She asked me for my phone, which was a usual occurrence since I have a much newer phone. It was after we found a few chairs that she said “I’m getting you this app what’s your password?” Sadly, it still didn’t click, and I gave it to her. I drank my coffee, enjoying my latest romance novel, when she put my phone down face first. I put my kindle down, and went to grab it but she stopped me. “You have to give this a try, promise me.” I didn’t promise her, but I did take my phone, and that was when I saw it. TINDER, the new flipping app, on my phone. We had a very adult conversation about how I need to give it a try before I said no. I reluctantly agreed, knowing there was no point in denying her, one way or another.

So I’ve been on it for 3 weeks, and in that time, I have been on the app a total of 4 times (one was the night it was installed). It was there that I “met” a young man; lets call him “John”. It all began with basic lets get to know each other banter. The what do you do, what are your hobbies, then the conversation grew boring. So I decided that I would give it one more try. Here is how the conversation basically went down. Me- Whats your favorite Tv show? Mine is Arrested Development.
John- Sons of Anarchy, and Arrested was not my cup of tea.
John- Wait. Seinfield.
Me- Sorry, never liked it. Favorite foods? Mine are Indian and Italian. Yours?
John- Ew Indian. I love sushi.
Me- I hate sushi. I should probably mention I’m Kosher.
John- Jeswish?
Me- Kinda, mom is SDA, dad is Jewish.
John- Are you religious?
Me- I try to be. You?
John- Not at all.
Me- Well Shit.

So you would think I’d be done. But I had made a promise and I though well, they say opposites attract, and then he asked me about that I found attractive in a man. I told him. And then he did it, he dropped the bomb. “I like shorter girls, cause I’m short.” I was thinking well my brother is like 5’7 and he thinks he’s short, so maybe this is what he’s thinking is short. I waited for another text that came minutes later. 5’4. Insert course words here. You see, I’m short, but as a girl, it’s considered “normal”. And I know myself, I have never been attracted to short guys, ever, call me shallow, call me a B, but I think that once the “honeymoon” period is over you can take off your fun colored glasses and see that I could focus on just this one thing, or notice that at the end of the day, we were just so not compatible. Most of our conversations were the same he and I not agreeing or having similar likes and wants.

When an author releases a release date for a new book, avid readers prep themselves, pre-order plan when to read etc. And it was at said author’s book signing that I became super excited about the prospect of this new book. But then we were told that we would have to wait close to 9 months for it. Then I became apprehensive because her last book had let me down. It wasn’t a Sacred 5 like all the others she had written, but it was still a high 4, which means it’s super high on any list readers list. Maybe the Honeymoon period would end here, and she would no longer be my favorite author. Maybe she would become the author of my favorite books, and that’s all. This sad thought loomed over me like a sad cloud until the book downloaded onto my Kindle.

At first I read and found some of the things that made me think I was going to dislike it, things that had deterred me from reading/ finishing other books. Love triangles, annoying roommates, etc. But the more I gave into the story, the more I found I could relate to the protagonist. I loved her character, but hated the circumstances that life had placed in front of her, much like my own life. That was when I came to the conclusion, that unlike my Tinder guy, I was still in love with her writing, and the Honeymoon Period, was still very much alive.

The Night I Became a THIEF, And it was Totally Worth IT.

I’m out of control. The first step of a problem, is admitting you have a problem. Right? I mean that’s it, I’m done. Good. Thanks, I’m glad this was so easy. I feel ten times better. (smile… eye twitch) Damn it, that’s a lie. Okay, lets go back to the beginning. I have a problem and I don’t know how to fix it.

You see, this obsession began years ago. I should say it began shelves of books ago, I remember hating reading as a kid and always thought it was stupid. I guess I  hadn’t figured out that if you are bored while reading, you’re not doing it right.  So, back to my problem. I read. Like all the time. Like every chance I get. To the point that the only way that I can control how much I read, was by setting a monthly spending limit. But it didn’t work. So I’ve had to resort to buying myself a gift card, and not allowing myself to spend more than that. Sad, I know. Some people buy drugs, other drink and party, me… well I read. What can I say, I’m a party animal.

So now that you know what my problem is, let me tell you about my latest predicament. Colleen Hoover, writer extraordinaire had a book released last week, March 18th to be exact. This book had been on my radar since I went to a geeky book signing, where she told us about it, and I got all giddy, like a school girl. (Stop judging me). All I knew was the title of the book Maybe Someday. After that day, I began stalking Amazon, her website, Goodreads, and even her Facebook page. Yup, stalker status techie version.

So when I received a 3am email from Amazon, informing me that her book had a release date, and could be pre-ordered, guess what I did? I got up grabbed my reading glasses did a little dance and then pre-ordered the book. Then I went back to sleep, with a smile on my face. I was almost out of money on my gift card, but didn’t think anything as I went through book after book waiting for the release I had been waiting on for over a year. Then the night before the book was to be released, I logged onto my Facebook and sure enough Colleen had posted about her book going “Live”. I though “eh it’s only 11pm, I can go to sleep and wake up early and read.” That was the plan, then I made the mistake of clicking on comments where people from the West Coast were saying that they already had it, and I opened my Kindle and it wasn’t there. After hitting sync about 10 times I logged onto my account and it hadn’t downloaded, because I didn’t have enough funds on my gift cards. You’re probably thinking “Big deal, put more money on your card.” I couldn’t. I would like to say that it was all my willpower that didn’t allow me to get more funds. Sadly that wasn’t the case.

I literally couldn’t buy more funds. You see, I was one of the millions affected by the Target hack and my debit card was no longer working, it was at 11pm when I realized Amazon’s policy doesn’t allow you to used a check/account to buy ebooks. So after trying a few times, I called customer service, and you know what “Kevin” on the other line suggested? He suggested I go to the supermarket and use one of my checks and buy a gift card . So after laughing and saying that their policy doesn’t make sense, and told him that going to the supermarket at 11pm wasn’t an option,  I did something I’m not proud of (head down in shame). I logged onto my sister’s account and “Gifted myself” the book. She wouldn’t care. I swear, and I planned on telling her, but it was 11:30pm and she was sleeping. I decided then and there that I needed the book and would tell her in the am.

It was days later that I remembered to confess to my sister that I had not only logged on to her account, and borrowed some money from her, with no attention to pay her back. She laughed about it and then said I needed an intervention. She changed her password that night. “Dude, I’m your enabler. I’m only doing it to help you get a life.” Bitch. Then I guess she felt bad cause the next day she changed her password back and sent me and I’m sorry gift card.

I tell you what, it was worth it. I mean the book Fan-Flipping-tastic, turns out I didn’t fall asleep early that night, or the following. It took me all of 1.5 days to finish the book. And all I have to say, is that it was worth the nightmare that I had to go through to read it. Plus, I got $25 Gift card from my sister and my free book. SCORE! I took it all as a positive sign, one in where the universe is telling me that I should be reading. Yay. Problem solved!