So it’s been quite some time since I’ve posted… my sincerest apologies
If you logged onto my Tinder app, here is what you’d find out about me, I have over 100 matches, (yay me). Of these 100 I’ve had the pleasure of chatting with about 10% of them. You see being a lady that I am, expect the man to chat me up first. For the most part they don’t, apparently someone shot chivalry. For it, is very much dead!
Of these 10% about 4% only chat me up long enough to know that I am not the kind of lady who is down to “Get to know each other biblically, because I should be so lucky.” ß true story, some dude actually said that to me. It’s safe to say, we are now madly in love and have 2.5 kids, HAHA JK! Ok, so back to my rant…
The remaining 6% didn’t get the memo that girls like to get to know a guy before agreeing to meet up. That, and or, they are trying to Catfish me, because most of the guys have basically lost interest when I did things like ask questions, because God forbid I want to get to know a guy before I agree to basically potentially be murdered at a local Starbucks.
But don’t fret; I’m having a great time, because I’m a lover of learning. I’ve learned so much about what it means to be a lady trying to catch her a man these days. As per my usual, here is my list of fun things I’ve learned from the University of Tinder.
- Apparently having that many abs makes you allergic to shirts.I should probably stop eating these Cheetos Puffs, cause there is no way I will be able to catch me one of these 12 pack shirtless in every picture guys.
- My two biggest fears are keeping me from catching me a man.Should my 4% agree to got out on a date, he will most likely want to do 2 things, rock climb then surf. Only, I am terrified of heights, and although shark week is by far my favorite week all year, I am terrified of becoming shark bait.
- There are Superheroes on Tinder. Like real ones.I’m now a pro at spotting them. The Super Douches are among us, hiding in bathrooms, taking selfies, while showing off their chiseled bodies and too much hair product. But don’t worry ladies, they’re easily spotted in gyms, taking pictures of themselves instead of working out.
- You must be 9’ tall to ride. Average height guys are about 6’7”. I’m going to need a good chiropractor, one who will be able to adjust my neck, because I’m 5’1” (on a good day), basically I need to accept that we are going to looking awkward, unless I learn how to walk in 8” heels… Does amazon sell these? (haha… just looked up 8” heels and they are specifically referred to as Stripper heels).
- Must play nice (too nice).During one of my “chats”, I had a guy ask me, if I enjoyed anal sex in public places, all this before 9am and first name introductions. Mama said play nice, but I don’t think that’s what she had in mind.
So, as I continue in search of my Tinderince, I shall continue to share fun photos of lady boys, and gingers wearing speedos, because why not?