He Gave Her a Fricking Library

Belle was always my sister’s favorite Disney princess, and I never understood why. I mean Ariel was always my favorite. She lived under the ocean (awesome), where all the men were super hot (super awesome), and they didn’t wear shirts, like ever (super-duper awesome). Ok, maybe I didn’t think of it that was as a kid. Looking at it now, she’s a delusional hoarder, but back then the choice was obvious, Ariel all the way! Then one day as an adult, I watched Beauty and the Beast again, and realized she was the better choice. I mean if I was going to be a princess it would be her. It’s not like she was prettier than Ariel, or that the Beast was hotter than Eric (no competition), I would want to be Belle, because the Bitch was given a library. Who does that?  I’m excited when a guy gives me second glance, let alone a DAMN library. Talk about a book boyfriend! I mean let the SWOONING begin.

Sure, the Beast was ugly as a Beast, and even uglier as a Prince, but I guess love is blind, especially when given a gift like that. And the way he gave it to her, he was like “Hey it’s Tuesday, here’s a library!”  What’s he gonna get her for her birthday and Christmas? If you ask me, he just shot himself in the foot. He will never live up to this first gift, and lets face it they are doomed from the beginning.

So after feeling sad for myself, about not having my own fictional library, I sat down and looked at my book collection, and sighed. F! I want my own damn library. Since my job sucks, and I’m super poor, I know that’s not going to happen unless I throw myself into another world. A world in which just like Belle, I could become the girl who was swept off her feet by the amazingly handsome alpha-male guy, who gives gifts like libraries. 

And that is why you are here. To read my brutally honest reviews of mommy smut novels, and some (Please don’t judge me) YA books. My “book club” (Ms. Ekko McGregor and I), are constantly looking for the next elusive 5 Star book. Sadly, they are as scarce as the straight super hot, nerdy single guy. Sad Face. You should feel very pleased that you wont have to dig through all mediocre books to find our sacred 5’s, because I will do all the dirty work for you.

Sincerely,
Ms. I’m Jealous of Belle: The Bitch Blogger

 Image

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s